Sunday, April 10, 2011

Call Centre chaos

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer:      'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer:      'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:      'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer:      'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.


Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:   'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller:   'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller:   'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:   'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller:   'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller:   'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller:   'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:   'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:   'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller:    'I don't know.'
Operator:  'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:   'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:   'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller:    'No.'
Operator:  'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:    'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:  'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller:    'I can't reach.'
Operator:  'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:    'No.'
Operator:  'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller:    'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator:  'Dark??'
Caller:    'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:    'I can't.'
Operator:  'No? Why not??'
Caller:    'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:  'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller:    'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:   'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller:     'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:    'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:      'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator:    'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

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